Saturday, 30 January 2010

Before It's Too Late.

January is almost over, and I cannot say I am sad about it.

In 2005, on January 29th a great person in my life got into a car accident and was taken away from the world. It was my first of many experiences with the death of someone close to me, and I would be lying if I said I handled it well. Ever since that day, 5 years ago yesterday, my January's have never been the same.

For someone who strongly believes in The Secret, sometimes I have to wonder why I have allowed myself to forget what it means to be positive. I was told the other day that "I spend a lot of time in a negative space." Coming from someone who I have always shared a passion for positivity with, the reality of those words hit me hard. Me? Negative? No way...

But it is true. It is very true. I've spent many days complaining, many days sulking, many days not appreciating my many blessings. It almost feels like I have lost all memory of what it feels like to lose something before truly appreciating it ... Everything I told myself I would not do after the never ending deaths I encountered in 2005.

If someone told me 5 years later I would be this way I would call their bluff. Not me. Not with all the positivity I had to go around. Not with all the advising, counseling, and uplifting I have been known to do.

What happened to me? With all of the things and people that I have lost in my life, no one could have told me I would digress this far.

Perhaps I make myself feel better because I am not taking advantage of them this time. Though I may sulk and complain and pretend my life is in shambles, deep down I know what I have and what I should always be grateful for; my friends, family members, enemies, and teachers, all of whom I have both chosen and been blessed with. I am thankful for my material possessions, all of which are becoming less and less distracting. I am thankful for the countless opportunities I have been given as well as those I have passed up; for health and strength and daily bread. My thank you's are ongoing.

So before anything or anyone else gets stripped away from me, this is my thank you. As for my positivity? It will soon return; stronger this time than ever before.

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

If You're Going to Love Me

If you're going to love me, there are a few things I think you should know.

1. The method of self-expression.

I say things backward or not all at once. I've been told many times that it is really annoying, but I never thought it would be a big issue. (Maybe I just never thought about it at all.) I start my stories with the blankest statements and if given the proper response I dive off the chopping block and head straight to the finish line. If I don't get the right response? You get left in the dark, one blank statement and one confused face later.

What exactly is the right answer? Quite frankly, I don't like to waste my story on people who don't want to hear it. If I start off by saying "my roommates are pissing me off" and you respond with an "okay" an "lol" or a "that sucks" then I know to move right along in the conversation, or to end it right there with you and start over with someone else. Most people just go right ahead and assume that the person would say, "Why?" or "how?" and they start off with what I consider the second sentence. (What exactly the roommates did.) I don't like to do that. I give people a chance to decide whether or not they want to know.

2. The moods.

I get into these random phases where I am super sad and I don't know why. I figure this can kind of apply to everyone. With me, I feel like those closest to me should know when these moments happen—the quicker the better. I hate being overly emotional so much that I get emotional whenever I am emotional. Sometimes I delete my facebook, sometimes I turn off my phone, sometimes I walk until I can't anymore, and sometimes I just stay in my room and sleep. I hate being questioned when I am in this mood. Just shut up and give me a hug. I'll get over it eventually.

3. The Conspiracy Theorist

I like talking about controversial, out-of-this world, conspiring, and totally ridiculous topics. I research them. I get excited when other people bring them up. I become very paranoid and afraid. I have nightmares and depressing lack-of-faith-in-humanity moments. I get over it and then I start all over again. If we can't talk about it, then I just ask that you listen. Don't kill my high when I find out something new. Don't call me names or tell me I'm crazy and that I don't need to know anything. Just accept it. I give myself limits when it comes to these things, so you don't have to.

4. The baggage.

Don't ask me too much about my past. It is in the past for a reason. I wouldn't say I've made many mistakes, nor do I have a lifetime of regrets. But one thing I do have is a lot of experience. I've observed a lot of shit things in my short life. I've learned lessons from other people's problems and short-comings. I have also been through a handful myself. Sometimes I might be the one to bring it up. If not, I probably do not want to remember. If I say never mind or don't ask or “I don't want to talk about it,” then let it go. It's not that I need to be "set free" or that I am keeping them as burdens on my heart. I have freed myself from the thoughts and heartache. There is no need to worry. It made me who I am today; so it served its purpose. The deed is done, and so am I.

5. The Writer

As you can see, I write. I love it, I live it, I do it all the time. When I get inspiration and am in my writer mind, it takes me as long as the number of words on the paper to write. If something happens and I decide to write, remiss of where I am or what I was otherwise doing, I am going to write. I am going to write until I am done writing. And that's it. If it can wait, please don't make me lose my thought.

On the same hand, considering my love for language, yes I am a grammar freak. I do walk around correcting people who do not know better as well as people who do, and I feel like it is completely necessary in both situations. I correct in text messages, over facebook, msn, emails, and even in regular speech. This means that everyone has a prospect to be corrected. Don’t feel attacked, and certainly not special. I have even stood corrected myself.

6. The Child

I recall many days where I turn into a big child. Sometimes I even curl up into a fetal position and hug my stuffed animals. I love pretending and feeling like I am young again. I am down for everything from taking the tails off lizards and watching them squirm, to swinging all day on swing sets, to climbing monkey bars, to playing hide and seek, marco polo, hand games, gold fish, red rover, four corners, jump rope, hula hooping, shooting targets with bb guns, fighting as a Street Fighter on Sega Genesis, pushing hot wheels down the hill, building with Legos, catching tadpoles, crabs, jellyfish, shells, starfish—you name it. I even get quiet and bright-eyed, my head filled with all kinds of questions about the world that no one can probably really answer. Don't be alarmed by any random outbursts of song or strong urges to play some ridiculous games. You can be sure, however, that you are safe from embarrassing temper tantrums in public.

7. The Not-So-Girly-Girl.

I love acting silly. I jump around. I do weird dances. I try to sing. I talk to myself. I try to make people laugh. I paint my toes in different colours. I rarely brush my hair. I take long showers. I love to swim. I walk with my head down. I hate chick flicks. I take lots of pictures. I worry when it's not necessary. I ask questions I already know the answer to. I have moments of super low self-esteem. I am meticulous. I have a firm appreciation for the simple things.

I may look like a "girlie girl" but I like to hang with the boys. I love the tomboy me way more. I love hunting, fishing, going to the range, watching rallies, exhibitions, dexterities, and football. (The one with your foot, that is.) I love being daddy's little girl.

I don’t work out often. I never call people. I hate text messaging. I give my inanimate objects a name. I watch Disney all day, and Nickelodeon all night. I've never seen Titanic, the Notebook, The Wizard of Oz, the Sound of Music, Love and Basketball, Jurassic Park, King Kong, or Sesame Street. I am shy at times and outgoing at others. I can be extremely quiet or extremely loud. I am not always right. Sometimes I am friendly and other times I am not. I am quick to criticise and quicker to complain. I love learning, swimming, eating, and sleeping. I drive with the windows down so I can feel the wind on my face. I like when people play with my hair. I've spent many nights crying without reason, and far fewer laughing until I cry. I have plenty of female friends, a handful of brothers, and an even larger amount of "family."

I smile when I'm happy and when I'm sad. I laugh when I am upset and get quiet when I'm pensive. I get angry and then I quickly get over it. I eat too much and I eat too little. I love Jamaica more than I should, and shun America even when I shouldn't. I could spend every day of my life at the beach in Montego Bay, and every night of my life in a house on the hills. I sleep more than I party and I party less than I could. I have a drawer full of bathing suits and I'm forever going to buy more. I save my money when I should and spend it when I shouldn't.

I am 19 years old. I am human. I am in college. And I am full of flaws. I may not know the key to success, but I know the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

Take me as I am, or have nothing at all.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010


For all those who do not know me personally, I have a confession; I am OCD.

What does this mean? It means I take a shower in my rubber slippers. I never sit on the toilet seat. I do not touch my bed unless I just came out of the shower. I clean my microwave, toaster, & garbage bin. My bathroom floor is not my bathroom floor unless it has no hair on it. The basin in my bathroom is not allowed to have water on it. I wash my shower out after I use it. I do not cannot step in or out of my shower unless the water is running. I Lysol my computer chair at least once a day. I wipe down my phone, computer, remote, door handles, faucets, locks, and light switches on a regular basis. I wash my dishes as soon as I am done with them. I spray my room with febreeze every day, and I wash my hands excessively.

By now you are probably wondering where I am going with this (along with thinking I am nuts). I have been made aware throughout my lifetime that I am far above average on the cleanliness scale. This is not a fact I have ever or will ever deny. My standards are in fact much higher than others' and that is fine. Knowing this factor, I give plenty of leeway to everyone else as far as their cleaning habits. We were not all raised the same way right?

I came to college with this mentality and an extreme amount of tolerance. Last year, I cannot say I had any real issues with the condition of our apartment-style dorm. This year? Oh, this year I have a problem.

I observed the "common area" habits of my hermit roommates all of last semester. ( I assume that is what you are supposed to do when you live with people, especially if they don't speak to you.) The most pressing issue I noted was that there are always dishes piled up in the sink. The saddest part of this is that I cannot even begin to tell you who is the culprit. What I can say, though, is that there is a strainer on the counter next to the sink, as well as a kitchen towel laid out with dishes on top of it. I concluded that I am probably the only one who uses the dishwasher as a strainer. Nonetheless, I did that all of last semester so this is not a surprise. Further, when I take into account that there are already two strainers, I am left to infer that it is one person who is piling up the dishes. But considering the fact that both sides of the sink are piled high almost all the time, I find it rather disgusting that one person can be so lazy and inconsiderate.

Is she forgetting that three other people live here too? I'd really love to know who she is waiting on to wash them for her. What is worse is that if my guess is correct, she is the one that is here the most. I do not even feel comfortable using my own kitchen. I get by most times only because I use paper plates and plastic utensils. Still, it is a shame that I live in an apartment where I have to find a way around using the sink. So what distracts her from washing the damned dishes?

She, along with the other two, is more interested in indirectly attacking me through the message board in the kitchen because I have never bought garbage bags, or because I accidentally left an almost empty quart of milk in the refrigerator before break. (But when I write on the message board to talk about shit stuff that is actually important—overages— no one responds.) That was a great greeting to come back to let me tell you. On top of the fact that whoever wrote it could not even throw the damned thing away. Did she expect me to come back and drink it or something? Does lumpy milk taste good? I understand it is not their responsibility but seriously.

To further piss me off, and after an already bad day, I came back from campus yesterday, looked in the sink, and noticed that the pile that had been there for about four days and was surrounded by fruit flies was no longer in there. I was so excited that I did not bother to stay in the kitchen much longer. Later on, though, when I went back into the kitchen I opened the dishwasher to find that the dirty dishes had simply been transferred. I was infuriated. I do not know how to use a dishwasher, but it is my belief that the dishes should at least be rinsed off before they go in there, but that is not the problem. Since that is too much work for her able but unwilling hands then the least she could do is wait until I take my clean dishes out before putting her dirty dishes in.

I am absolutely disgusted.

I wrote on the message board this morning before class;

"I think someone forgot to turn on the dishwasher. Where am I supposed to put my dishes?"

To which I got a respond after class;

"The dishes in there are dirty. (No SHIT?!) I wasn't going to run it until it is full. There is still space on the bottom shelf."

So, what you are saying is that I am supposed to put my clean dishes in there with yours?! No thanks. I eat from those.

I do not think I will ever figure these people out (and my patience is wearing thin).*The Pile*

Thursday, 21 January 2010

You Aren't Whatever You Say You Are

After way too much searching and touring, I finally found a place that I can be comfortable with.

I immediately got that "yeah I can live here for the next 2 years" feeling when I walked inside. I thought about whom I would live with and how we would actually speak to each other and live like a family instead of 4 distant strangers. I thought about how we can wash clothes together instead of 3 times a day. I thought about how I can wake up in the middle of the night totally depressed, and just across the hallway someone who cares about me will be there. I thought about how we can just buy one gallon of milk instead of 4 quarts, one loaf of bread instead of 4, and one carton of eggs instead of 4.

This was enough to make me skip past spring semester and summer holidays and be somewhat excited to start my first semester as a junior. (Then I remember the homework I have due next week and the week after that and this semester just can't go by quickly enough.)

Speaking of this semester, it is only the second week of school and I feel as though January is the longest month ever. My drive and determination for schoolwork just continues to dwindle with each semester that passes. I keep having this "I just want to stay in my bed all day and do nothing" feeling, and I do not know what to do about it. Still, I have managed to keep myself too busy for my own liking with both apartment hunting and maintaining an above average social life.

I am actually just returning from an event that was very interesting. It was put on by CSA and it was a forum called "Are you as Caribbean as I am?" It was essentially a battle between those who were born and/or raised there and those who have probably been there maybe twice but are still exposed to the culture because one or both of their parents is from a Caribbean island.

Does that make them any less Caribbean? Of course it does. How are you going to claim to be from somewhere that you have never been? Or somewhere you know nothing about geographically, economically, or politically? Sure you may know about the food or the morals because your parents instilled that in you, but you are not surrounded by it 24/7 and never have been; so the only thing you can prove is that your parents are from there.

- preposition
1. having as a starting point.
2. having as a source, agent, or cause

- preposition
1. containing
2. belonging to

The main point I was making, and will stand by, is that so long as you were not born and raised there, or at least raised there, then you personally are of Caribbean descent (be it Haitian, Jamaican, Guyanese, Trinidadian, Bajan etc.) but you are not from the Caribbean. You simply have it in you. So to consider yourself 100% Caribbean is seriously pushing it.

And no, it is not going to show in a blood test that you are Jamaican, don't be silly.

Monday, 18 January 2010

Fees, Deposits, and Obstacles

Apartment hunting is very tiresome. When it is going to be your first apartment and home for the next few years, it is easy to wake up at 9am with excitement written all over your face.

After tour number 3 or 4, the excitement quickly turns into confusion and quite probably exhaustion. At that point, you kind of just want to walk into the office and be like "listen, we've been around the world already so save the sales pitch and just take us on the tour please. If we are even remotely interested then we can discuss prices." The only problem with that, other than it being extremely rude, is that you can't take the salesman out of these people (especially when they have a million awards adorning the walls of their office).

A major problem with living in this city in comparison to where brother unlucky is, is that the cost of living is higher. This makes it an ideal environment for the student/school affiliated housing. They get you with dorm style housing that usually includes a $130 cap on electricity included in the rent, a fully furnished apartment, and a shuttle that runs from the complex to the campus. Sounds pretty convenient doesn't it? Well it is.

Affiliated housing caught me in their trap last January. They ran these "specials" where administrative fees and application fees were waived, and the "if you sign up by Jan 31 you only pay $545 per month" deal. My three roommates and I were sold on the convenience of the place. This included everything from location to pricing. We were also wrongly convinced that since we all sat in the office together & signed the leases we would get a 4 x 4 together.

Aside from that false information & the fact that I live with 3 hermits who manage to double the electric cap every month, I knew it would only be temporary and prepared myself for my junior year where I would be determined find a place (preferably non affiliated) to stay for the remainder of my college life here in Borelando.

Based on the hunting over this 4-day weekend I have come to realise that finding what I intially wanted is a problem. I feel like settling down in a 4 x 4 is not really settling down especially if it is anything like where I live--5 billion buildings, too many residents, and with no kind of at home feeling-- and was looking for a 2 x 2 or at most 3 x 3 which I could furnish and call my own. The problems there are that neither of the roommates I had in mind drive or own cars. This forces us to kind of stick with student housing so they can take advantage of the shuttle. We eventually found some very nice 2 bedroom apartments for good prices, but the shuttle is the standing obstacle with them all--along with the millions of fees pertaining to utilities, cable, and internet.

My personal obstacle with a 4 bedroom is that I do not have 3 friends to live with so if I was going to go into another 4 bedroom blindly why don't I just stay right where I am? Sure my roommates are in a world of their own, but I've lived here for a few months already and it is not absolutely terrible. Furthermore, two of them are seniors so if all goes as planned they should be getting out of here soon.

Sometimes I guess you just have to suck it up & settle for what you can get.

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

My Crisis, Their Tragedy.

I hate to admit it, but every single one of my high school teachers was right; I miss those days terribly. The only thing I ever had to worry about was the weather (whether or not I wore those jeans last week was another "issue" that I thought about, but that is a whole other story).

Whoever said college is the best time of your life? Someone who is not used to freedom perhaps. Sure it is probably better than life in the working world, but that is just where we are heading anyway so what really gets better? Are we supposed to look forward to aging? (I probably should have labeled myself as a pessimist years ago, and I have been getting that a lot from my friends but I don't like that word "pessimist.")

I am sure most "pessimists" say, I am not pessimistic I am realistic. I, however, could easily make a never ending list of all the positive things in my life. (The negatives could quite possibly fall under one single umbrella.) Does this make me a negative person? Never. A pessimist? Definitely not. I am simply not afraid to call a spade a spade.

I have to say I am indeed slightly disappointed in myself for my recent beliefs and shortcomings, mostly because I feel like this is exactly what I premeditated to not do.

Producers decided to come out with the movie 2012 to instill fear in the general public. Movies such as Day After Tomorrow have been in rotation since my life began and these are all negative things. All it takes is one pessimistic thought to be spread amongst millions for something negative to actually happen. We are giving this whole 2012 thing so much power by walking around every day claiming that the world will soon end, and I am included in that even though I did not see the movie. (Can't help but wonder "what if", I suppose.)

There is no doubt that there are some terrible things happening, but what we need to do is look at ourselves and realise how we have played a part in this. To all those who believe in a higher being, despite the different beliefs, I think we can all agree that no crime goes unpunished. I say this in reference to the basic morals which in recent years have broken themselves down into smaller categories because of how creative we have gotten at committing crimes and trying to justify them. The further we stray from simplicity, the more sins we tend to commit.

Walking by faith and not by sight, I do believe that the world is coming to an end. For all of those in Haiti and with family in Haiti, my prayers are with you during this time of tragedy. The way of the world has caused this and will continue to cause tragedies like these if something is not done. A change needs to be made; a change that can start with any one of us. By judgment of the almighty, all almighties, we are living wrongly. We have lost sight of what is truly important because we are blinded by the material world.

It is time to wake up. I am awakened and trying to find my balance between making my parents happy and making myself happy. What makes them happy? Good grades in school. They want nothing more than to see me with a successful job. What makes me happy? Waking up everyday and looking outside at nature's beauty. (Buildings, cars, and construction do not fall into this category.)

This brings me to a crossroad. My dreams contradict each other. Despite my undying love for the countryside and the simple life, I often imagined working in an office atop a tall building with a bay window and a beautiful view of the city. I pictured myself dressed in business suits and heels, possibly with a briefcase, a convertible, and a beach-side condo. But I see that as the materialistic side of me. Can all of those things bring me everlasting happiness? I am not really sure. Would it make life easier and more comfortable? Definitely.

Still, as the tragedy in Haiti continues to unfold, it makes me realise how impotent we are against mother nature. She rules all at all times; and the condo, convertible, and office, can all be destroyed in a heartbeat and without warning. Then what?

Certainly that is not enough of a reason to not aim high, but I still feel like I could get by just the same with a regular car, a regular apartment, and a regular office.

At the end of my life, none of it can come with me anyway.

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

This Is Not How I Remembered The Sunshine State

After a much needed trip home, I am returned to an extremely cold Florida.

It is to my understanding that it snowed in Central Florida, North Florida, and South Florida. I am amazed with this. (And a little bit bitter too because I have always wanted to see snow.) Before I left for Jamaica my parents and I were joking that we should have taken our up north trip this year because we definitely would have seen snow, but evidently they did not have to leave home for that either.

Once again I posted a status on facebook that caused a bit of trouble. It said:
"You see, the difference between hot & cold is that when it is hot there are ample ways of cooling down; when it is cold, warming up is almost impossible."

Most folks agreed with me but two did not, and one of the two was willing to argue it out. In the end, I still stand by what I said-as does he. I had always loved the cold and felt for a long period that I would much rather be cold than hot. At this point in my life, I have changed that view completely.

What are my ample ways of cooling down?

1. Clothes. There are clothes that girls especially can wear in the heat so that they are comfortable. For guys, it may be a bit more difficult since most of them choose to wear layers of clothing. (The boxers, the marina, the undershirt, the thick jeans pants, the socks, and the sneakers.) Girls can simply wear underwear, shorts, and a tank top and be just fine.

2. Standing in the shade. This method is far more effective in a place like Jamaica where there is almost always a breeze. In Florida, the shade might help, but it also might not.

3. Swimming. (You knew this one going to be an option, do not act so surprised.)

4. A cool or even a hot shower. After taking a shower, I find it very hard to get back to being "very hot." For some reason, once that sweat is washed off once, it kind of stays off at least until the next day. Whether it is a cold shower or a hot one it still works. If the cold water does not cool you off, the air when you step out of the hot shower will.

5. The Cold Beverage. Cold water can never taste as good as it does when you are hot and parched. It also is never as refreshing. I usually feel the coldness of the water literally flowing through my body and cooling me down from the inside out.

6. Artificial air; the air condition/fan. In Florida, every building is ventilated, so standing fans and ceiling fans are the least. However, they come in very useful in a place like Jamaica where people would rather open their windows and rely on the breeze than run the one-room air conditioner (if they have one).

Furthermore, I believe that layers of clothing do not keep you warm. You still shiver, your ears, nose, and fingers still freeze, and you still hurry to try and get inside the nearest building--which is not warm just warmer than outside. The cold is virtually inescapable. It seeps through walls and windows and makes the house and car cold (sometimes even colder than outside, if your house is anything like mine) unless you run the heater constantly. Still, I find the heater and layers of clothing uncomfortable.

At any rate, I do not understand why it is this cold, but now it seems people are finally realising that something strange is going on in the world. There was a 7.3 earthquake in Haiti and a 7 minute earthquake in California. There was also a brief tsunami watch for Jamaica, Cuba, Haiti, and the Dominican Republic. I call that a sign.

Something crazy is unfolding, and it is doing so right before our eyes.

Friday, 8 January 2010

Absolutely Necessary

I posted a status on Facebook last night after what I thought was the last straw. The status was about the difference between "then" and "than."

Now before you jump the gun here, I've always found myself annoyed with this mix-up long before I took the grammar class. The problem now is that Facebook gives me a daily reminder of just how many people do not know the difference between the two.

Upon posting the status, a host of other people commented on it with their own grievances between ignorant, for lack of a better word, people and the English language. I realised that I could probably go on for days, and decided that I would write a blog instead.

First and foremost; the homophone.
-n. a word pronounced the same as another but differing in meaning, whether spelled the same way or not

This includes, but is not limited to, their/there/they're, your/you're, here/hear, know/no, through/threw, and of course, then/than.

Their, There, They're

1. "Their" is possessive. You should only use it when you are speaking of something belonging to them. Ex: their house, their car.

2. "There" is for direction. This means that it is used when pointing something out, i.e. a location. Ex: The book is there. She is standing over there. There it is!

3. "They're" is a contraction for "they are." The apostrophe signifies that letters are omitted, which is the main use of an apostrophe. (Disclaimer: It cannot be used for "they were.") Apostrophes are also used for possession, which might explain a confusion between this and "their." Just remember "their" is an irregular, just like "his" and "hers" which are the singular versions to "their." Ex: They're sleeping. They're going to the beach today.


1. "Your" is governed by the same rules as "their." It is the possessive case for "you." Ex: This is your bag. You forgot your pencil.

2. "You're" is just like "they're." It stands for "you are." Ex: You're going to be late for class if you do not hurry.

As for "hear" and "here" why do I even have to explain that one? It is such a shame that college students do not know the difference, but here goes.

1. "Here" is also used for location, just as "there." Ex: Your shoes are right here. I will be standing here for hours.

2. "Hear" is what you do with your ears. Ex: Can you hear me?


1. To "know" is to be aware of. (Just think of "knowledge.") Ex: I know how to count. It is a verb and should be used as such.

2. "No" is used to express denial, disapproval, or refusal. Ex: No you cannot go out. I have no school tomorrow. There is no way I will go.


1. When something is "through" it is over with. It also can be used for something that has gone from one side to the other or has gone beyond something. Ex: She graduated and was through with school. The train went through the tunnel.

2. "Threw" is the past tense for "throw." This is when you propel something in the air, cause something to fall, or move a light switch Ex: I threw the frisbee. She threw me on the floor. The man threw on the light switch. It can also be used as a colloquial for something intangible. Ex: He threw me a smile. She threw a couple bad words at me.

Last, but certainly not least, "then" vs "than."

1. "Then" is used for sequence i.e if you are directing someone or telling a story. The use of "then" indicates that something else is coming. Ex: I went to the beach and then went home. I plan to go to work and then go home.

2. "Than" is used for comparison. Ex: She is smarter than me. I would like to see you sooner than later.

In reality, "then" and "than" are not really homophones if they are pronounced correctly. The confusion comes from those who do not enunciate. They actually say sooner "then" later, as opposed to emphasising the "a" and saying "than."

I have much more to add to my list of pet peeves, but we will stop with the homophones for now.

Thursday, 7 January 2010

The Cycle

A few days have passed and nothing much has changed. There are just more developments in my friendship world, and my relationship is experiencing the usual distance factor.

The boyfriend left me yesterday (wow it was only yesterday?) to go and play a tournament in Kingston with 4 of his teammates. They should all be honoured by this since they were considered the top 5 players at the school and are expected to be approached by several scouts offering scholarships to different universities. Though he wanted to spend my last few days with me, I couldn't let him miss such a great opportunity.

It feels way longer than just one day. I find it funny how time can be manipulated by life's events. Often people are so consumed by work and school that they do not realise the days and weeks as they skate by unannounced. By the time you are finished doing your project you realise that three weeks have gone by and you've spent them doing absolutely nothing fulfilling or enjoyable.

I also find it funny that people can say that life is short. How can life be short when it is the longest thing we do? Life is just unpredictable is all; and that is part of the reason why it is so amazing.

The Christmas Break has been very up and down for me. As with everything, though, there are always ups and downs. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I can say the good outweighs the bad, but I still consider my cup half full.

This past semester had the potential to be so great yet everything was just so average. I moved into a nice apartment with three strangers and I signed up for classes I knew I would enjoy, (minus statistics if you remember) and I was a fairly active member in CaribSa. In the end, I found myself annoyed with Spanish, upset with my 89 in world religions, and being satisfied with a C in statistics. What's more, I was living with three trees, no car, and miles away from most of the people who keep me sane. Miles away seems like nothing much when everyone has a computer or a Blackberry. But as I've explained to someone before, you can have 500 people on your msn, 100 on your blackberry, 1000 on your facebook, and still be lonely.

Fortunately, I had my prima esposa who was practically my fourth roommate. We made some good memories--from walking to my little hill, to eating yogurt, to the many laughs and inside jokes we shared. Now that the time is coming close for me to start back school, and after her giving me a few choice words today, I feel like I have nothing to go back to in that town. Sure I have my old roommates and my CSA family, but hell, if the world ended tomorrow I wouldn't be thrilled to know I spent all my life in school, and my last few months in Borlando.

You see, that is the thing with life. Society has already created our priorities for us, so all that is left for us to do is find a way to enjoy the "in-betweens." We must not be distracted by all of the shiny objects that glisten in the sunlight; there is something under there that is far more important. (If it makes you happy, wholesome, or healthy, then it is important to you.)

Now that I feel some of my friendships deteriorating after so many years, I have to wonder if maybe I am doing things wrong. It could be that today is one of my girlier days where I am being disgustingly sensitive for no reason. Still, I don't feel as happy as I should being home, even though everything is going fine. This is probably because the time is winding down very quickly and I am alone already.

Coming and going will never get any easier will it? I always feel like I have no reason to go back there; and with my recent discoveries about the US I am too afraid of what this year has in store.

I'd much rather just kick back in the hills somewhere with no connection besides my Blackberry to the outside world.

Sunday, 3 January 2010

Love & Friendship

I feel like I am having a hard time keeping up with long distance friendships and a long distance relationship.

I have been here for a week now, a week that surprisingly did not go by as quickly as I had expected it to, and it seems as if I have not spent any time with my girls. But when I think about it, I have not spent much time doing anything. Seven days have passed and I can still count on one hand how many times I have been to the beach; and even then I still have yet to spend an entire day swimming and relaxing with my friends. Even though some of my fellow beach bums stayed in Florida I still do not consider that a valid excuse for a beach lover like me.

Still, I often find myself torn between hanging with the girls and hanging with the guy. Part of the reason why I feel like I have neglected my friends is because of my new year's resolution. Meanwhile they were all at a party at 12:00am on January 1, the boyfriend and I were in church. We had mutually decided not to go to a party from a few days before, but were still looking for an ultimatum. That ultimatum came when we were at the beach and a friend suggested we go to church. He talked about how 12:01 never catches him anywhere else but church and as it turned out he goes to the same one I do.

It came to me almost as a sign because of the way it happened. (I imagined how thrilled my parents would have been about me going on my own. The church thing has recently been an issue within my household because I am at the age where I am questioning humanity, their hypocrisy, and the world from God's eye.)

I also thought about the vision I had a few months ago where God told me I needed to start going to church again. Thereafter I could not convince myself to be anywhere else for the new year. Even when I went back to my bestie's house after the beach and watched all of my friends get ready, I still resisted any urge I would normally have to go out and party. I hate to make exceptions, but had I gone out for new years I would not consider that as failing. I did give myself room for special occasions didn't I?

Anyway, January first was the longest day ever. It was also the only day I spent hanging with the girls and the boyfriend. We went to my bestie's mother's house and spent the day talking, eating, and playing hide and seek. The latter one came as a joke but being as open as I am, and a bit nostalgic at times, I was able to convince everyone else to play too.

I guess it is not that bad since that was only two days ago, but it is pretty sad that one of my closest friends and I were in the same place today, and I had no idea.

Well, Happy New Year fellow bloggers and readers! (It irks me to see when people put happy new yearS. Why the s when it is only one year!)