This One Is For You

When people say everything happens for a reason, it usually just sounds like a cheap way to skip out on giving a person real advice. It is used so much that it is almost losing its meaning and emphasis. But though it might not help you to feel much better in the moment; in the end when you look back on it, it is always true.

Being the thinker that I am, I have thought many times about the decisions I have made in my life; both those that were easy and those that were hard. Sometimes I felt as if the whole world was against me--and maybe it was. I can recall many times when I tried to sleep away my problems, only to wake up a few hours later feeling even worse that it was not a dream after all. My heart has sunk so many times that I wonder why it is not beating from the bottom of my foot.

Still, I find that for one aspect of my past, I am getting the last laugh. It feels really good now to realise that moving on was the best thing I could have ever done. Though I may not have done it willingly, on my own, or with my head held high, I still find myself relieved and somewhat proud. (I guess the pride I once surrendered to you came back to me tenfold.)

Not that I was ever taught to feel as if I am better than anyone, however I have sense enough to know when someone makes a foolish, for lack of a better word, decision. I have seen you grow up without growing up and now I get to look at you and shake my head. As bad as it sounds, though, I cannot say I am completely surprised.

If only you knew how many times I sat in class writing away all the things that were going through my mind. I still have these things on my computer and now I am able to look at them and laugh, despite knowing the hurt that was the inspiration. (Maybe one day I will post one on my blog, maybe not. I'm not sure if anyone truly cares that much.)

Nevertheless, this is my last one for you.

I just wanted to express how happy I am for all that you put me through, and that I let time do its magic to help me move on to something much more worth my time and effort; though I almost feel bad that I did not get to help you make better choices and help you see what I saw. Since then, I have learned over and over how much it sucks when you see something in someone that he or she does not even see in themselves. It is a feeling of helplessness that you cannot overcome; like watching from the parking lot as someone you care about jumps from a 10-story window. You just have to stand there and watch.

And just for the record, I still wish you--all 3 of you--all the best that life has to offer. You've made your bed, now lay in it.