Act Out of Kindness

I came across a Buzzfeed article, if you can call it that, this morning that inspired me to up the ante on my random acts of kindness. Even though I practise kindness, naturally, on a pretty consistent basis I think there is defnitely room for improvement when it comes to being kind to strangers.

Granted, I am a very reserved person in real life, so perhaps being outgoing and talkative in my kind endeavours isn't exactly the right fit for me. So if you're like me and need a little help finding things to do that don't necessarily mean talking to strangers, I've found a list of 101 ideas from roogirl.com.

Here is to spreading kindness. Can't say you couldn't come up with anything!

Enjoy :)

101 Ideas for Random Acts of Kindness

1. Pay for the person behind you in a drive-thru or at a coffee shop.

It not only makes the person receiving the free food or coffee feel special, it also brings the cashier into the kindness loop by being the bearer of good news.

2. Instead of getting defensive or angry the next time someone is rude or inconsiderate to you, express compassion for their situation.

You never know what others are going through. In his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey tells this story:

One Sunday morning on the New York subway, people were sitting quietly reading newspapers, lost in thought, or sitting with their eyes closed and resting. It was very peaceful. Then a man and his children entered. The children were so loud and rambunctious the entire climate changed.

The man sat there with his eyes closed, oblivious to the situation, as his children were throwing things, knocking people’s newspapers, and yelling. Everyone became irritated quickly. Still the man did nothing.

I couldn’t believe he could be so insensitive to let his children run around like that and do nothing. Finally, I turned to him and said, “Sir, your children are really disturbing everyone. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?”

The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.”

3. Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while.

Let them know that you have been thinking about them and that you’re sorry you haven’t been in touch.

4. Leave small gifts for strangers in random places.

On a rainy day leave an umbrella at a bus stop, or leave coupons scattered around the grocery store for others to find.

5. Shop for someone who is homebound or ill.

Even if your neighbor isn’t homebound, when you’re running to the store, ask if they need anything, especially if the weather is bad.

6. Let someone into traffic who looks like they are in a rush.

Even if they don’t look like they’re in a rush, let them in anyway.

7. Donate your used books or magazines to your local library.

8. Praise someone at work for doing a good job.

To make it even more meaningful, do it in front of others, especially the boss.

9. Offer help to an elderly or handicapped person struggling with something at the grocery store.

So many people treat the elderly or handicapped as if they are invisible. Acknowledge them, get an item off a high shelf, smile, and offer some small talk.

10. When you finish mowing your lawn, mow your neighbor’s lawn.

11. Leave money in a public place for someone to find.

Don’t just drop a few pennies. Leave a five or ten dollar bill. Don’t think about where the money will be spent, it is about spreading kindness, not controlling how your kindness is used.

12. Stick up for someone who is being wrongly treated or bullied.

13. Make amends with someone you have wronged.

Be genuine with your apology. Even if you feel you did nothing wrong, apologize anyway. It’s not about being “right”; it is about the other person’s perception of the situation.

14. Give a homeless person food and/or gift card to a restaurant.

Most people don’t feel comfortable giving homeless people money due to concerns over whether the money will be spent on drugs. Giving a gift card to a restaurant close by not only gives the person food to eat, but the dignity of choosing what they want to eat.

15. Leave a treat for your mail carrier in your mailbox.

On a hot day, freeze a bottle of water and leave it in your box with a note. By the time your mail is delivered, the ice will have melted into a cold, refreshing drink.

16. If you walk by an expired parking meter, put a quarter in it.

You will save someone from walking out to a parking ticket. You could also put a quarter in the meter before you leave, if you see someone is waiting for your spot.

17. Be an active listener.

When someone is talking to you, instead of thinking of what you will say next, really listen to what they are saying.

18. Let someone go ahead of you in line.

(especially if they only have a few items or it’s a mom with young kids)

19. Have good manners.

Say “please”, “thank you”, “you’re welcome”, and “excuse me”. When people are treated with respect, they will respond in kind.

20. Go a week without using sarcasm.

This is tougher than it sounds. Although we have no ill intent when we use sarcasm, it does breed negativity.

21. Volunteer your time to a charity.

Giving money is helpful, but giving your time requires taking a personal interest.

22. Send a card or flowers to someone going through a tough time.

23. Talk to a shy person who is sitting alone at a party.

24. Greet people with a smile and an enthusiastic hello.

When you begin with kindness, it sets the tone for the encounter.

25. Know the names of people you encounter every day.

Everyone is important and should be treated with respect. “Shop Girl” and “Grocery Dude” are not their real names.

26. Sincerely compliment someone every day.

If you don’t know the person, the compliment will go farther. We expect the people we know to say nice things, but when a stranger says that our hair looks nice, we tend to believe it more.

27. When you receive good service, tell the person’s manager or boss.

Take it a step further by leaving a positive comment on the company’s website or other sites, such as Yelp. Remember to mention the person by name.

28. Acknowledge people when they walk into the room.

This is especially important to do with your children. It only takes a moment to stop whatever you’re doing to say, “Hello”. It shows the person that they are important to you.

29. Always keep your word.

When you are late or don’t follow through with something you said you would do, it sends the message that you don’t care.

30. Take the time to leave a nice comment on a blog you enjoyed.

It only takes a moment and we really, really appreciate it! :)

31. Organize a carpool.

Carpools are not just for soccer moms. Carpool for work, a night out with friends, or for a road trip. Not only is it good for the environment, it’s more fun.

32. Leave a newspaper or magazine for someone else when you’re finished.

If you’re reading at the coffee shop, doctor’s office, or on a plane, leave reading material for someone else to enjoy.

33. Give up complaining for 21 days.

Visit A Complaint Free World for more information on this movement.

34. Leave kind notes for people.

Put small love notes in random places for your loved ones to find, or “Good job!” notes on someone’s desk at work.

35. Teach your children to be giving.

Gather any toys they’ve outgrown, and go together to donate them to children in need. Let them see how their actions positively affect other people.

36. Help a friend in need.

It’s sometimes difficult to ask for help when we really need it. If your friend is going through a divorce and struggling with finances, bring groceries to her house. She may be too proud to accept money, but won’t be able to turn away something you put time and effort to do for her.

37. Ask people what they need.

Some situations are difficult to know how to handle, such as death or illness. When someone you know is dealing with a catastrophic life event, ask what they need, and let them know you are there for them. What we may think is helpful, may cause someone else more stress.

38. Use less plastic or none at all because it’s kind to the environment.

39. Write thank you notes.

When someone has done something nice for you, take the time to write them a proper thank you note, and mail it to them. Not only is it good manners, people enjoy finding something other than bills in their mailbox.

40. Be forgiving.

This not only applies to someone who has wronged you, but also when you have done something wrong. Forgiving yourself is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

41. Be kind to someone you dislike.

You don’t have to be kind to someone because they are a good person. Be kind to them because you are a good person.

42. Donate blood.

43. Help someone who is broken down on the side of the road.

44. Donate your expertise to someone in need.

Lawyers are not the only people who can do pro bono work.

45. Tolerate a loved one’s behavior a little more than usual.

If you know your husband isn’t a morning person, don’t get upset when he’s grouchy.

46. Adopt a pet that needs rescuing.

47. Help a new co-worker.

48. Help elderly neighbors and relatives maintain their homes.

Do small repairs and chores that are difficult for the elderly to do for themselves.

49. Mentor someone who needs support.

Volunteer to tutor at your child’s school or take a young person joining the workforce under your wing.

50. Take a moment to help someone who is lost, even if you’re in a rush.

51. Help a mother with a baby stroller.

Hold the door or help her carry it up the stairs.

52. Bring coffee for your assistant.

53. Write a letter to a child who needs extra attention.

Children love getting mail.

54. Put your cart away when you’re done shopping.

55. Call or write a teacher who changed your life.

56. Help a friend move.

57. Forgive a debt and never bring it up again.

Also, when you give someone money, give it with no strings attached.

58. Throw away your trash, and someone else’s, after a movie, picnic or visit to a park.

59. Volunteer to take care of a friend or neighbor’s pet when they go on vacation.

60. Offer to babysit for a single mother.

61. Start a neighborhood garden or plant trees in an area that needs it.

This is an excellent project with multiple facets of kindness. It will bring your neighbors closer, provide healthy food, and helps the environment.

62. Shop at local businesses.

Support your community. More of your money will stay closer to home: supporting the parks, recreational centers, libraries, and other things that make your community great.

63. Pick up clothes in a department store that others have dropped.

64. Volunteer at a food bank.

Help prepare and deliver food to those in need.

65. Adopt a soldier.

Send letters and packages to provide support to the brave men and women who protect your country.

66. Give blankets and coats to the homeless.

67. Have a “kindness” competition.

Start a competition with a group of friends to see who can commit the most acts of kindness in a month. (Everyone wins!)

68. Say hello and give a smile to a passersby, even if you don’t know them.

69. Give an inspirational book to someone who needs uplifting.

70. Be kinder to yourself by embarking on a self-care campaign.

You must take care of yourself to be able to care for others.

71. Throw someone a surprise party.

72. Invite someone new to your house for dinner.

Whether it’s a co-worker or new neighbor, expanding your circle of friends is always a kind thing to do.

73. Give a child a balloon.

74. Be grateful for everything you have.

By having an attitude of gratitude, you will have an overall better disposition.

75. Out of the blue send flowers to your friend.

76. When you’re on a crowded train or bus, offer your seat to an elderly person or pregnant woman.

77. Bring a treat for everyone in your office.

Place a fruit tray or basket in the break room for everyone to enjoy.

78. Tell someone you love that you love them.

79. Give your spouse or significant other a foot massage… without expecting anything in return.

80. After you shovel snow off your driveway, shovel your neighbor’s driveway.

81. Enter someone in a competition who you think deserves the recognition, such as “Teacher of the Year”.

82. Volunteer at a senior center.

83. Give a presentation on your occupation or an area of interest to a classroom of students.

84. Mentor an at-risk child or teenager by becoming a big brother or big sister.

85. Help someone you know who is looking for a job.

Write a referral or help them network.

86. Donate stuffed animals to police and fire departments.

They use them during emergencies to help calm frightened children.

87. Donate items to emergency pet hospitals, such as blankets and towels.

88. Learn CPR. You could end up saving someone’s life.

89. Help a friend or neighbor who is caring for an aging parent.

People think of babysitting to give new parents a break, but rarely think of people who have an elderly parent living with them.

90. Grow your hair long and donate it to Locks of Love.

91. When you buy new clothes, donate your old ones.

92. Have integrity.

Integrity is doing the right thing when no one else is looking.

93. Have an abundance mentality… live a selfless life.

94. Accept other’s kindness.

Some people are great with helping others, but have problems accepting help or kindness from other people. This is a selfish way of existing and breaks the cycle of kindness.

95. Be patient.

Everyone’s lives are very busy, but being impatient isn’t going to make the line go faster, the red light change, or remove cars from traffic.

96. Bring a care package to a sick friend or someone in the hospital.

97. Re-direct gifts.

On special occasions have people donate to charities in lieu of giving you gifts.

98. Use GoodSearch as your internet browser.

Money is donated to the charity of your choice with every search.

99. Be a philanthropist.

100. Be cooperative.

When your client or boss asks you to go the extra mile, follow through with enthusiasm instead of animosity.

101. Resolve to live an authentic life.

Keep it real. No one appreciates a fake or phony person. It is off-putting, and closes people out instead of letting them in to know the real you.

Most people are not intentionally trying to be assholes. Give others the benefit of the doubt, and if you still can’t seem to get through, kill them with kindness. By committing random acts of kindness, we create a tangible flow of positive and loving energy. As we learned in physics, energy never dies, it transfers. Stop to think about that before deciding whether you are going to perpetuate never-ending negativity or generate a cycle of on-going kindheartedness."

The Trouble With Hope

Above everything else, I believe hope is what keeps us as humans going.

Hope, that tells us to stick to our day jobs because one day it will pay off or something better will come along as a result of our work ethic. Hope, that makes us save money so one day we can buy our dream house. Hope, that tells us to keep looking for love because it is, in fact, out there waiting for us.

Hope, that tells us to stay in incorrigible relationships because one day, he/she will change.

As encouraging as hope is, it can very well be troublesome if not used within reason.

One variation I don't, and perhaps never will, understand is how hope makes people stay in relationships that they know aren't cohesive. I know people can change, but I am inclined to believe certain fundamental things never do or will. That's a battle between hope and reality that hope seems to win more often than not. (When I say stay, by the way, I mean people who get married and have children. Spend 30 years of your life unhappy, for what? To end up apart anyway?)

I know it feels like "love" is enough to give you everlasting hope; but hope at the risk of ignoring everything that tells you otherwise? At the risk of your own happiness and the happiness of each other and everyone around you? Hope for a better circumstance, sure. Circumstances can be changed. But hope that some miracle will make two incongruous people get along? Hope that you can grow to love someone you know isn't your match? I just don't know.

Hope in "love" is nice and all, but I just wish more people would listen to their inner voice. The inner voice that tells you: "leave", "this doesn't feel right", "there's someone better out there", "this will never change", "he/she deserves better", "I deserve better".

If it's not you; it's them. If it's not them; it's you. And either way, it's OK. Just because someone wasn't right for you or couldn't change for you or vice versa doesn't mean either of you is a bad person. It doesn't make either of you a failure. But better to recognise it early, when your intuition tells you, and take action than to lolly gag in hopes for a miracle, just because of love. No one knows what's best for you better than that little voice in your head.

It's there for a reason.

And yes, I know we cannot help who we fall in love with, but where does it say that if you love, you must attach? You must be? Love has never and will never be enough to make a bad relationship work. Love alone cannot put two puzzle pieces that don't fit, together.

Why does it have to, anyway? Love is not a glue. Love doesn't find a person and stick to them entirely and them only for the rest of forever. It isn't limited to one per person. It's ok to fail at love and move on to try again. You don't have to stick around because of its existence. You aren't born with a set amount of love that you are capable of having or giving away. Love is limitless and infinite. There's no fear of running out of love. It doesn't decrease by sharing. And we've got enough inside to give to every single person on the Earth. So why do we feel we have to attach ourselves to it, even when it's painful? Even when we've given our all and it still isn't enough? Even when we've tried everything and it still won't work?

What is there to be gained from sticking to constant hurt or frustration or stress just because there's love involved? What's wrong with loving someone without possessing them?

Nothing.

Eventually, the show will end, the curtain will close and you will gather all your stage props and go home to an empty bedroom.

If it isn't meant for you, life will never stop trying to take you away from it. (The universe does this in ways you won't notice if you are unwilling to pay attention.) And one day, it WILL succeed. Why wait until that day? Because hope told you to?

We can't just stand by and let hope grab hold of our lives with both hands on the steering wheel. She'd drive us right into a stone wall over and over again because maybe one day the wall will finally fall and we will go gliding through to see the greenest grass on the other side.

Hope has to come along for the ride of life, of course, but she belongs in the passenger seat, sun shining in her face and the wind blowing in her hair as she looks out the window and dreams her wonderful dreams. She can speak her mind every now and then, and keep you up and alert if you get weary, but should always remain nothing more than a beautiful reminder that life, indeed, always goes on.

If I Can't Accept You At Your Worst...

I know. I have been doing this a lot, but it's not because I am lazy or lacking subject matter or whatever. I just read other blogs/articles sometimes that I really appreciate and feel like I have to share.

This one in particular I think every human being should read. But since my platform isn't nearly that large, here's to hoping at least a few other people read this for the first time.

Enjoy!

If I Can't Accept You at Your Worst, Then Maybe You Should Stop Being So Horrible

By Matt Walsh

 

I remember the first time I was awarded the "game ball" in my Little League. I don't recall the details exactly, but I'm pretty sure my stat sheet looked something like this:

Zero RBIs, zero home runs, zero hits, zero stolen bases, zero plays made on the field, seven errors, four innings spent sitting on the bench.


Most of my team probably performed similarly, but I know we put a few points on the board, so SOMEONE must have done something notable.

Alas, that kid -- whoever he was -- got jobbed this tragic afternoon. They gave the game ball to me. You can only imagine how I felt.

That is, confused.

We capped off the season with a trophy ceremony in the local middle school auditorium. One by one, they called every team up to receive their participation awards. You played a game for a few weeks and achieved no amount of success at all! Congratulations on your mediocrity, kid! It was a plastic gold-colored figurine of a guy hitting a baseball. Ironic, really, considering I hadn't actually made contact with a ball all season.

I still have my pity-trophy, it's right up there on my pity-mantle, next to my pity-game ball and the mandatory Valentine's Day cards I only received because elementary school rules required every child to give one to every other child.

When visitors come by, I show it to them and proudly say, "Look at all of the mandatory recognition showered upon me as a matter of routine policy!"

Then my guests will often cringe and weep, and the evening ends early and uncomfortably.

See, I think all of this nonsense -- this "everybody is special, everybody gets to have a trophy, everybody gets a card, everybody gets recognition" idiocy -- can produce only two possible results, neither desirable. One, it can make perceptive, self-aware children even more embarrassed and insecure. They know that they are undeserving of these accolades, and they'd rather not be patronized.

If a severely impoverished child wore a burlap sack to school, he would be utterly humiliated if his teacher, with all good intentions, decided to award him the honor of "best dressed." That's how many kids feel when their mediocrity is put on a pedestal and treated like it's something exceptional. They aren't fooled, as much as they'd like to be.

Then there's Category 2. These kids, perhaps not equipped with the same critical thinking capacities as the first type, will eventually buy into the hype. They will look at those trophies and gold stars, unearned and undeserved, and begin to develop an inflated image of themselves. What is born from this is not confidence, but narcissism and arrogance. These are the kids in possession of the much-heralded "self-esteem." Indeed, they hold themselves in high esteem. Why? Because they are themselves. They are spectacular, beautiful, athletic, and brilliant, all by their very nature. Whatever they do is the best thing anyone has ever done, simply because it was done by them. Whoever comes in contact with them ought to be grateful for the privilege. Success and happiness is what they are due, and the entire universe is in their debt. They are the people who expect the Lord to descend from heaven and hand them a game ball and a participation trophy every day.

I'm sure you've met this type. Maybe you've voted for this type. Maybe you work with, or under, this type. Maybe, God help you, they are in your family. Maybe you've been in a relationship with them.

In fact, it seems statistically likely that you have been in a relationship with them. The divorce rate speaks for itself. Beyond that, although there aren't any statistics (as far as I'm aware) for non-married break ups, it appears obvious that we are experiencing a crisis of failed relationships at every level and in every form. People don't know how to be in relationships anymore, and I think this epidemic can be traced, at least in part, to the delusions of grandeur we instill in our little snowflakes from an early age.

Shielded from failure, insulated from criticism, covered in emotional bubble wrap, our kids are venturing out into the world with little discipline and even less humility. You can see this manifest in many arenas, but I think it's most pronounced in the way we approach relationships.

Here's one example. It's minor, probably insignificant, but it represents something quite serious. I was perusing my Facebook Newsfeed today and I came across a status that said this:
"Yea I'm a b*tch but deal with it. I wont be with anyone who cant accept all of who I am!!!"

This was a grown woman. Apparently college educated. Older than me.

It reminded me of a meme we've all seen a thousand times. It has a few variations, but it usually goes something like this:

If you can't accept me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.

This is such a popular sentiment that it has its own Facebook fan page with over 150,000 "likes."

It shows up all the time on memes and illustrations like this one:

Of course, the original quote, widely attributed to Marilyn Monroe, is even more vapid and nauseating when taken in its full context:

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

Out of all the profundities ever uttered, what does it say about our society that THIS is the quote we've decided to take to heart?

It says that we need to read more books.

Also, it says that we are horrible at relationships.

Yes, it's true that, in a marriage, we must love our spouses in spite of their flaws. It's also true that we all have flaws. But it's ALSO true that only an infantile, spoiled, egotistical brat would ever treat a loved one with "her worst" and expect them to deal with it because her "best" will somehow compensate for it.

Newsflash: It's not OK to be selfish, impatient, and out of control. These traits, while common, are UNacceptable. They should not be accepted, least of all by the people you claim to love. The onus is on YOU to change your behavior and your attitude, not on them to "handle it." Are you such a gem that they should thank God for the opportunity to be emotionally abused by you, if only it earns them a chance to bask in the glow of your superiority?

Perhaps that's how you see it, but I've never met anyone quite that charming.

This philosophy is poison, and it stretches beyond one offensive quote from a 20th century Playboy Bunny. Often I read or hear people whine that they 'just want to find someone who will accept them, no matter what.' But being "accepted" should not be our relationship goal. Healthy relationships are loving, but also challenging, edifying, and even occasionally painful.

Accept. Definition: to receive with approval or favor, to agree or consent to.

Should our selfishness, impatience, and weakness preclude us from being loved? No. But should these traits be "accepted"? Should they be "received with approval or favor"? Should our loved ones "consent" to them?

No.

Big no.

Enormous, loud, screaming no.

Should we scoff at our husbands or wives or boyfriends or girlfriends and flippantly tell them to "handle it," as we behave in ways that will hurt and offend them?

No. And if you think that -- if you REALLY think that -- then you shouldn't be getting into relationships at all. You aren't ready.

Further, does our "best" (which probably isn't as great as we imagine it to be) make up for, or negate, our "worst"?

No. Your worst is your worst. Fix it. Be better. Nobody should have to put up with it. Least of all the people you love.

Love is a transformative force, and if you want to experience it you better be ready to change in every way imaginable. My wife does not "accept me," and thank God for that. She challenges me. She makes me better. In other words, she loves me.

What kind of a pathetic and dreary goal is that, anyway -- just wanting to be "accepted," tolerated, put up with? That's not why we're put on this planet. Life is not about gaining "acceptance." Life is change. It is not static and stagnant, do you really want your relationships to be?

We don't emerge into the world as eternally entitled princes and princesses. We come into it as naked, crying, helpless babies. Our job is to grow out of that condition. And that will take a lot of changing and a lot of learning about what parts of us are unsuitable and insufficient and unacceptable. Sadly, some of us are unwilling to endure that process, so we never grow, and in failing to grow we fail to live. It's a tragedy.

Don't ask anyone to "accept" the bad parts of you. Instead, strive to improve those parts. Put in the effort. Make yourself worthy of the love they've offered you.

Forget what you learned in elementary school. The only "participation trophy" you're awarded from life is death. That's the one thing we all get just for showing up. In the meantime, if you want something better, you have to earn it.

That means if you want better relationships, you have to earn them, too.