Monday, 15 July 2013

Because, Justice

I know some of you have probably been waiting for this post.

And honestly, I'd be lying if I told you I had all intentions of writing it.

I never got fired up about the Trayvon Martin case, even though I was 15 minutes away from the incident when it happened -- even though I drove right past the Sanford police department after it happened to go to the homeless shelter and volunteer, and even though they cancelled the volunteering another day because of protests.

Some of you may call this ignorance, indifference, insensitivity ... and maybe, partly, you'd be right. I never got involved in the hoopla of the incident because well, I thought it was a no-brainer. I never thought it would take this long for a verdict, and I certainly never expected that verdict to be "not guilty." (Also, I don't like getting involved in "race" arguments.)

That, was my bad -- for not knowing the law, choosing to stay ignorant, and putting my hope in man.

I was stupid for thinking that the legal system in place was backed by morality.
I was stupid to think that in 2013 the value of a human life is standard across the board and is worth more than gun laws.
I was stupid to think that mankind is still capable of exercising proper judgement.
I was stupid to think that anything about this "justice system" is just.

But when that verdict was read, it took American society back about 100 years. The entire case took society back about 100 years.

Nothing about that case was designed for Trayvon Martin to even stand a chance from the very beginning. A dead man tells no tales, but little does he know, he was on trial for his own murder.

I hate pulling the race card, and anyone who knows me or reads my writing should know that. But how can I look at this case and not see colour? How can anyone tell me that the reason George Zimmerman approached him in the first place is anything other than racial profiling? Shit, I'm guilty of it myself. I moved up here and inherited the subconscious racism that is so embedded in American society that it is almost seen as a natural intelligent form of "cautious." Black person walking around at night? Trouble. Non-black walking around at night? Just a person who felt like taking a walk. (In case you didn't know racism is prevalent in Hispanic culture as well. So this bit about Zimmerman being Hispanic, spare me.)

It's disgusting.

And so, a full jury of women, most of whom have children, could not even find it fitting to convict Mr. Zimmerman of manslaughter. It was too much punishment to face for killing an unarmed boy who you decided to chase, because you were trying to prevent another neighbourhood break-in. Even though if GZ had never pursued him, Trayvon would still be alive right now. No harm would have been done. But that's besides the point right? Because he had to defend himself against someone he ran after.

"What kind of world would we have to live in anyway, to have seen GZ offer Trayvon a ride home that night instead, to get him out of the rain?"


... Let that marinate for a little ...


Honestly though, I wasn't as appalled at the fact that GZ knew the law and manipulated the incident so that he could get off with a not guilty verdict. That happens every day. I wasn't even appalled that he was found not guilty.

What makes me sick and not want to be a part of this world any more is the fact that there is even a law in the first place that allows you to get away with things like this. Stand your ground? Do you know what that law allows? It allows you, as the aggressor or initiator of a fight, to use deadly force against the person with whom you picked the fight once you start losing.

It says, and I quote:

"a person is justified in the use of deadly force and does not have a duty to retreat if he or she reasonably believes that such force is necessary to prevent imminent death or great bodily harm to himself or herself or another or to prevent the imminent commission of a forcible felony"

And for an aggressor:

"the justification described in the preceding sections of this chapter is not available to a person who initially provokes the use of force against himself or herself, unless such force is so great that the person reasonably believes that he or she is in imminent danger of death or great bodily harm and that he or she has exhausted every reasonable means to escape such danger other than the use of force which is likely to cause death or great bodily harm to the assailant; or in good faith, the person withdraws from physical contact with the assailant and indicates clearly to the assailant that he or she desires to withdraw and terminate the use of force, but the assailant continues or resumes the use of force."

That is what George Zimmerman's defence used to get him off for killing an unarmed 17 year old boy with skittles in his pocket, who he decided on his own to pursue. Or at least, that is what they would like us to believe.

At face value, we are all equally disgusted by the events that have unfolded. All of us are sick that a man was allowed to kill a child for nothing at all - a child who was doing nothing but walking in his own father's neighbourhood. His father, who pays his rent (or mortgage) just like everyone else in the community. But behind the scenes, there is a lot more to it than just that.

The NRA is bigger than Trayvon. That organisation runs this whole country. And in the aftermath of this travesty, I beg you all to PAY ATTENTION. Incidents like these are used to take away our rights, all of us. By using emotionally driven tactics, such as the never-ending race issue, the powers that be are distracting you and I from the real agenda - from whatever the real law is that they want to pass, with an innocent life as the price to pay.

This is the sickening and frightening world we live in.

And btw, for those of you screaming out "black people kill black people every day, so let's talk about that", you make me sick too.

Crime happens. Obviously. Yes, people die every day all over the world. None of us is denying that. But murder is murder. And all of it is wrong. So if you're going to make that argument, then why do we have laws anyway? People break them every day all over the world, right? Might as well we just get rid of all order then huh?

I tell you; social media and the Internet can be the devil. Not everyone deserves to have a platform.

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

93 Million Miles From the Sun

Time to yourself
Time to be selfish
That's why you never fought for it
At least that's what I thought you said
Time to focus on your other needs
Find you, without me
So I never thought you'd have this up your sleeve

I thought you needed to put the pieces of your broken spirit back together
And something like that was hard to do in rainy weather
Seek shelter
Work on being better
Try to seek out your own pleasure
Not another hidden treasure
Or someone better

But I guess that's just how life plays out
It's harder to find it when you actively seek it out
Hard to find the love we speak about
And dream about
When we feel we cannot do without

But it turns around when you're down and out
People seem to come around about
The time your soul starts reaching out
Not when your mind is screaming out
And full of clout

So I guess that's how it happened
You moved on to her
And, I started rapping
You helped me open up my mind and let the sap in
Express myself in a fashion
That let's other people grasp it

And in the end I know we'll both be ok
I can tell already I'm on my way
To finding back those happy days
Letting the love in my heart light the way
No more doubt and shades of grey
No more clouds to take the sun away
No more reasons to be afraid
So in spite of all the noise you made
And all the lies you gave
All the negative things you had to say
I still appreciate
You, for making me this way

Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Good Hearts Cannot Be Broken

I never ever wanted to do this.

But enough people have been telling me to let these feelings out the best way I know how, so here's to a few moments of vulnerability and frailty in prose.

The gloves are off, the gun is buried in a shallow grave outside and there's nothing around except me and this mirror. No shots being fired, no more fighting alone -- just me and a couple weeks of emotional reflection in front of a mirror at home; showing me the person looking back at me is someone I hardly know, or recognise. But in a good way.

I've made a lifestyle out of running away.

That is what I've been told, and I guess it's true. I've spent my life living in unrecognised fear of what I believe is one of the most powerful parts of the human experience: love. I've been afraid of love all my life, though I still somehow manage to get others to love me. When it comes close, I push it away. When it seems too far away, I reach out for it -- hoping I can always keep it close enough to keep me warm, in preparation for the inevitable day when I fear no harm, and finally feel I can grab it, fully, and never let it go.

Last year I took a couple steps forward; steps I thought were leading me in the right direction. And for a while, they were. Until I hit a roadblock at a force that was strong enough to push me further back than where I had originally begun walking.

When I got back on my feet to prepare myself once again for the journey ahead, I realised ... I was alone. Alone, but in recognisable territory that for a while made me feel comfortable. For a while, I felt that maybe it's just where I belonged -- except as I looked around and felt a sense of solace in the familiar things I saw and felt, I noticed I was walking backward.

I hadn't gone too far. But by the time I ran back to where the road was blocked, to where I thought I saw you waiting for me, you were gone. I was alone again. Just me and my road block.

And that is when the rocks began falling.

Brick by brick they came crashing down on me. The wall that had stopped me before was falling apart, right in front of me. And not until I was able to wipe my tears long enough to clearly see did I realise ... it was you who threw them at me.

You took my roadblock apart and turned it into a million stones; finding ways to pelt me with every one so each struck a different part of my soul.

It hurt me for a while, some bruises still linger. But eventually, lately, I realised, you cleared the way for me, using the same stones that had once enclosed me. Then you took them with you to rebuild your own sanctuary.

And even though sometimes I still feel used, ashamed and hurt. And even though sometimes I still find my vision obstructed by the water in my eyes, and still resent you for giving up before trying ... Had it not been for that journey, my reflection would still be the same, my road block would still keep me where I thought I was to remain, and my path would still lay before me, unpaved.

Eventually, all the pain and anger will subside, and I'll be able to bring the sunshine with me as I continue down this unexplored path, hopefully walking with someone more willing than you to share the journey with me.

But in the mean time, while I sit here waiting for these bruises to heal, and for heartache to not be the only thing I feel, I just want to say: thank you.