Friday, 21 September 2012

It's My Birthday, I Can Sleep If I Want To

Admittedly, every year around my birthday I always harbour some very unconventional feelings.

Most people, I assume, look forward to their birthday and think of it as an opportunity to celebrate life and where it has taken them thus far. (And to get gifts, of course.)

But for me, my birthdays are always a time I'd rather skim past. I will be the first to say that this probably is due in large part to the fact that every year I tell myself that I am not looking forward to it or that something bad is going to happen. And we all know how powerful a negative thought can be.

Although I am sure I have had a great many things to be thankful for on my birthdays past, I can't help but mention that I am more inclined to remember the incidents that weren't so memorable -- in an ironic and unfortunate kind of way. But this year, as I caught myself slipping into my usual negativity, I decided mid-fall to change my thoughts. I told myself, instead, that this year I was going to have a good birthday.

What with all the positive energy I have had around me for the past month and a half, I couldn't see why not.

And I was right.

My birthday yesterday was actually not a complete disaster. It was not perfect, of course, but I certainly felt an enormous amount of love and appreciation as I sat, partially hungover, at my desk at work. Most of my coworkers and my boss had no idea it was my special day and I left work early because I was not feeling very well, only to go home and do absolutely nothing but stuff my face and sleep.

But in the greater, more beautiful picture, I really can't say I have anything to complain about. I have amazing friends, a solid support system, a loving boyfriend, a job I love, and all of life's basic necessities -- and then some.

Life ... Is good.

So here is to one more year of experience.


Thursday, 6 September 2012

Love, or Something Like It

It's funny how when we're growing up we get ourselves involved in these relationships that are so shitty unhealthy and so destined for failure, yet somehow we manage to convince ourselves and each other that it will work ... And things will get better.

Until they don't.

And by the time we realise there is probably something much better out there for us, we have already put ourselves through so much bullshit drama that we find it hard to flush the toilet even though its contents are clearly making the whole place smell.

The fact is, we all want to believe that we can find our true love in the first shot. We all want to believe that all the tears and nagging and stress was all worth something and that we won't have to walk away completely empty-handed after we gave what we thought was our all to someone we thought would be around forever.

But the real truth, the unfiltered, unbiased, untold truth is that life does not give us what we expect. It gives us what we need.

Yes, sometimes some people get lucky. Sometimes what we expect is what we need. Sometimes some of us do find "the one" the first time we look out the window. But most of us are not so fortunate. Most of us have to close the blinds for a little bit and reassess  ourselves and our situations before opening them back again and taking another look.

And that's OK.

The important part is knowing when to draw the line between reality and our dreams; knowing when a relationship is heading nowhere good and safe, but dangerous and uninviting. We have to know when to give chances and when to walk away. When false promises take the place of fulfilled needs and hopeful desires become unrealistic dreams.

Yes it may be that relationship was what you needed once upon a time, and yes, it did work for as long as it worked until it stopped working. But that is just it. It stopped working. Not all relationships are supposed to last forever. The only thing they are "supposed to" do is teach you something; be it about yourself, the world, your partner or some sort of combination thereof. And most times, it's the "bad" relationships that teach us the most. They help us grow tremendously as individuals.

That is the key: making sure that whatever relationship you find yourself in, you must always continue to grow -- ideally, both of you.Together.

But if one day you find that the only thing growing is the wedge between you two and the amount of arguments you have, then maybe that is your hint from the universe that the growing you could do together has reached its peak.

And if you're not growing, you're dying.