From My Heavy Heart

After I wrote my blog yesterday depicting my less than wonderful day, I got some news I was completely unprepared for - though I had been waiting since April to hear it.

I woke up this morning hoping it was all just a bad dream only to realise that it is very much real.

It was literally about an hour after I laid down my complaints on this thing that I heard the news - through facebook chat at that. I was alone in my room at the time and to say I had no idea what to do with myself would be a total understatement.

I was in the middle of trying to get some work done, and I had planned to study for the test I have today; needless to say, it never happened.

The next thing I knew I was on Alafaya with my purse, my iPod, and my phone. Who to call and what to say? I had no idea. Every time something goes wrong I always feel as if I am the only one going through it, but that is only because I am away from my family and it hits our home, not anyone else's. So I just decided to walk until I ended up where God wanted me to be.

I walked for about an hour until I found this small hill just off the road. I knew before I fully approached it that that was where I was to end up. The sun was setting on the lake behind it and there wasn't too much traffic. I figured if it ended up that I'd sleep there overnight then by all means, I was ready to do so.

In the midst of my slight irrationality, I managed to worry a few people. I never meant to be "selfish," but please excuse my uncontrollable reaction. No doubt you were only concerned, but I needed some time away from myself, my phone, my computer, my room - everything.

Four hours later, I ended up on the stairs of my apartment building, and my phone ended up on the road 3 stories below me - after I angrily deleted all of my BB contacts. I had hoped a car would drive over it, but I went downstairs a few minutes later to find that not only was it still in one piece, but it still worked.

I write to you today from my battered and bruised blackberry, with an even more battered and bruised heart.

I tried my best to sleep the pain away last night, but it is still very much present.